Humorous Notices

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Humorous Notices from around the World

Bucharest, Hotel :
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please no to read notis.

Japanese Elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Leipzig, Elevator:
Do not enter the lift backward, and only when lit up.

Belgrade, Elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

Paris, Hotel:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

Athens, Hotel
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Yugoslavia, Hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Japan, Hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Russia, Hotel:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

Bangkok, Temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner if dressed as a man.

Tokyo, Bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Denmark, Airport:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow, Hotel:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norway, Bar:
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.

Budapest, Zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Rome, Doctor surgery:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Japan, Hotel :
Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

Tokyo, Car Rental:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Majorca, Shop:
English well talking.

Austria, Hotel:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascensions.

Switzerland, Restaurant menu:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Poland, Restaurant menu:
Salad a firm's own make. Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger. Roasted duck let loose. Beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Hong Kong, Tailor:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Bangkok, Dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Paris, Clothes hire:
Dresses for street walking.

Rhodes, Clothes shop:
Order your summers suits. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Russia, Tourist ofice:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

Germany, Campsite:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

Zurich, Hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Hong Kong, Dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodist.

Rome, Laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Prague, Tourist Office:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

Thailand, Donkey hire:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Switzerland, Cafe:
Special Today: no ice cream.

Tokyo, Hotel:
In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out.

Greece, Hotel:
Please abuse the manageress only between 11:00 and 12:00.

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN.

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)