Your Car Owner's Manual
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Your car owner's manual
Dear Driver you are now the proud owner of a new vehicle. It has been constructed to the highest specifications.We wish you many hours of motoring pleasure. If anything goes wrong, it is not our fault. It is yours. You didn't read this manual with sufficient care and attention. So you've got only yourself to blame.
Before you drive your new car, please familiarize yourself with its controls (see pages 2-379). Failure to do so may result in serious injury or death, which may impede your motoring pleasure.
READING YOUR OWNER'S MANUAL IN SAFETY
* Gloves are not provided for the Glove Compartment but may be purchased
separately from leading glove stores in a variety of styles and colours.
TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT
IMPORTANT Check you have not placed your Owner's Manual in the Petrol Tank before proceeding safely to your nearest Maintenance Centre. Never throw your Owner's Manual out of the windows (see YOUR NEW CAR WINDOWS) of your car while driving. It may cause a severe hazard or obstruction to your fellow motorists to the side and rear.
YOUR NEW CAR WINDOWS
ACCESSING YOUR NEW CAR WINDOWS
To open the driver's window, press button seventy-three (73). And again. Now press it again. And again. And again. Just once more. And again. And again. Whatever you do, don't force it. I said, don't force it. Now you've gone and done it.
It's obviously jammed. This sometimes happens. It's your fault, not ours. It has nothing to do with our new fully programmed easy-touch electronic computer system. Be sure to blame yourself. Now please turn immediately to section 68(b): unjamming your new car window.
68(b) UNJAMMING YOUR NEW CAR WINDOW
a) Press the button on your control panel (see CONTROL PANEL, pages 18-124) which looks a bit like a window seen from a slightly unusual angle.
b) This action will cause your Glove Compartment to spring open (see TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT). This is because the picture you thought was of a window was actually of the Glove Compartment.
The Glove Compartment, having been opened, will now be impossible to close as it is connected to your new highly sophisticated central locking system (see THE BEGINNING OF THE END) which has now also activated the Bonnet Release Handle, causing your new car bonnet to open and close every three second. For assistance with this problem please turn to Section 98 Deactivating Your Bonnet Release Handle.
LOCATING YOUR BONNET RELEASE DEACTIVATE HANDLE
Press the BDRH wait 6.3 seconds until you hear an odd sliding noise from the direction of the Rear Passenger Seats (RPS). For some reason if appears that you have a the fully automated Passenger Cup Holder in the rear armrest (see TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR PASSENGER CUP HOLDER WITHOUT ACTIVATING AIR-CONDITIONING, pages 209-231). You are now in a position to read your new Owner's Manual.
REMEMBER: It's all your fault ...........
With Acknowledgement to Craig Brown of the Daily Telegraph